


Not really and that's important.

by Paige_Marie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paige_Marie/pseuds/Paige_Marie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius never had a home, not really. Sirius had a house but not a home and that's important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not really and that's important.

Sirius never had a home, not really. Sure Hogwarts was fun while it lasted but than summer came or school ended, James, Remus, and even Pete, hell even his brother had a home. And maybe once Sirius felt at peace with his father, mother, and brother now though he feels less than a shadow. For a shadow is made when light hits something it cannot pass through and something Sirius feels himself slipping further and further into the land without shadows. Sirius had a house- but not a home and that’s important.  
Sirius always was afraid of fire, it’s not rational, not really. He fears what happens when one day the fire insides him burns out, he fears what destruction will lie in his wake. James doesn’t even know but Sirius wants him to but something stops him every time. Sirius is made of steel and gun smoke and days when he kisses Marley he fears evaporating, not even her can hold him to this Earth. He hates being weak more than he hates who he could become- and that’s important.  
Sirius isn’t sad or depressed, that means he has feelings and he doesn’t, not really.That’s why on Patronus day he always faked sick. It’s not that he has never been happy but the times he has been happy it has never been enough. But nonetheless Sirius knows he is happy when he wakes up with Marley’s freezing cold feet pressed against his legs or when he holds James and Lily’s whole world in his arms- a beautiful baby with brilliant green eyes. So not all of Sirius’s life has been happy but he knows what happiness is- and that’s important.  
Sirius was never whole, not really and sometimes he thinks it is better this way because you can’t break broken things. And there’s days when he feels like the world would be better off without him. And if stars were scars Sirius Black would be a galaxy. But he is getting better. Marley’s breath on his neck and her blond hair framing her face or when Moony laughs- actually laughs which seems like he hasn’t done since fifth year or James’s face when Harry’s first word was, “Paddy.” So who needs being whole, Sirius is better broken anyway. And maybe he is broken but he is not breaking- and that’s important.


End file.
